She takes her usual seat in the bus, the last row by the window. I sit next to her, shoulders touching. She is looking out the window when the bus starts to move, to the colorful trees under the grey sky and the scattered wet leaves on the sidewalk. From the lightest yellow to the deepest red you can't decide whether they're brown.
I leaned to the seat and closed my eyes, trying to conjure up the memories we just had together in the park. Especially her image. She is the human form of a beautiful summer day. Even among the vivid colors of autumn she is still the most radiant. It is like looking to the beautiful sun that will never blind you.
She laughed to my lame jokes when we had Chinese takeaway on the picnic table. I watched how her head had tilted back before his hand moved to close her mouth. I decided her laugh is my favorite sound to hear on a daily basis. I should think more of stupid jokes.
She also frowned so deep when I started to tell her my unfortunate real stories. I had wanted to stop but she insisted that I should be open to her. So I continued and noticed an occasional pout when she didn't agree on something. It brings a little smile on me to think about that.
But after all that, she had brushed whatever dirt off my face with the soft tip of her fingers. She was suddenly too close. I could see the black rim around her dark brown eyes. And I had to resist the urge to catch her hand and bring them to my lips. But now I wish I was bolder.
"I'm so lucky to meet you," she said abruptly when we were standing in the bus stop.
I was too taken aback I lost all the words. So I just replied, "Me too."
There are ton of things I want to tell her, most of them are about how I truly feel. But I'm too afraid to cross the line and probably break the once I thought was platonic relationship. I've wanted more. I want so much more.
I'm still blaming my own cowardice in my own head when a warmth sneaks around my arm. Before I could react she has put her cheek against my shoulder. She's so close I can smell her floral shampoo from her hair. We have been this close, but never too close. I could feel how she seemed to set her own boundaries between us. But now I guess it's different. She's moving past them, offering me chances.
We are silent. I gently rest the side of my face on her head, savoring her warmth and scent. The mixed of faint jasmine and grass. My other hand begins to move to gather her hands into my palm. I don't hesitate now. It feels so right. And I've never been this calm and relieved before.
I buried my face in her hair without thinking, kissing her head long. When I finish, she shifts to look up into my eyes, grinning. I smile back and pull her closer into me. She says nothing but puts her head in the crook of my neck instead.
I know in that moment I can never leave this girl. I'm trapped under her spells. So I murmured, "I want to tell you something."
xxLAC