He stared

There were some pieces of story about this life that unexpectedly appeared on the surface. The pieces that considered have been kept inside a special folder in the memory.

She remembered one of them. When the sun was shining behind the moving clouds, its dazzling light was faded. When the leaves were falling and flying to all directions, dirtied a small parking lot in a high school.

That day, she didn't recognise exactly the feeling of having a crush on someone. She only knew that some kind of crush wouldn't probably give particular benefit for her snug life. But in the end, after some years have passed, she realised that her strange feeling had been there longer before she could expected. The feeling that should have not been being let to grow at all.

But she remembered that she was standing there, with her white-grey uniform and black-tied shoes. She was standing under the roof of her high school building and holding her black mobile phone very tightly. When the short message popped up, she immediately made some steps that unwittingly were too agog. She stepped towards the parking lot, let herself absorbing the wind-blows and the dim sunlight to be kept as a remembrance.

That person had stood there when she reached the parking lot. He was standing tall near his motorcycle with white-grey uniform and an expression that couldn't be guessed. His eyes were locked to the girl's face who was walking to him. Within seconds he moved his body to straiten their distance which felt too far. He strode and made her heart thumped until her chest felt hurts.

"He's coming!" she thought. Maybe he couldn't wait for that girl's slow moving.

When they both stopped in the middle of the parking lot, he commented, "Why were you taking so long?" He was taller that she could remember, and her brown eyes looked shimmering. 

"I was in the class," she answered, tried to keep her voice in calm. But she didn't have any braveness to see his face any longer that she just opened her backpack to pull out something. It was a small bag full of souvenirs that her father bought in Saudi Arabia.

"For you," she said by pushing that bag to his hands.

That person also opened his backpack to pull out a white T-Shirt wrapped in a clear plastic. He extended his hands to pull her backpack closer and carelessly put his gift inside. "This is for you too. I'm too kind, aren't I?" he made a pride face.

She pouted but thanked him sincerely. "Thank you so much."

"I'm leaving, okay?" that person said and carried his backpack on the shoulder. "And thank you for these, too."

She just nodded, still too afraid to look into his face directly. Then she just turned around too fast and in a hurry. Her face suddenly felt so warm and her feet felt so stiff. She couldn't explain why her heart was higgledy-piggledy inside. That day, she was still too young to know what she had known now.

When she had walked quite far, she finally let herself to do her screaming willingness inside her desolate heart. She turned around just to see that person again. And she found the truth that later became the reason why that day didn't vanish at all from her memory.

That person was still standing on his place without moving and he stared at her. He wasn't even distracted when she found his gaze was still on her. He just stared with expression that seems to be wondering or even thinking. She thought he'd left or turned around. But he was still there.

"He stares at me." she thought. "He's still there." she thought again.

But her fear was bigger than her intention to feel a little happiness. She immediately turned her face and took a step away. She was too afraid to give him her smile or give him a wave as she craved to. That girl only could walk away without turning around again.

She walked with the memory following her steps. The memory that didn't even leave when everything left her alone.

She kept walking, until she realised that she just walked in circle. Around and around...

~~~

LACxxx