I woke up in the morning with the remaining memories of my latest dreams. In that dream, I was a princess, a modern princess I guessed. I had a very long hair, which is weird because I have a medium hair in reality. A man was chasing me. I couldn't see his face at the beginning as I was hiding behind a hut. I could only hear his voice. Then, I remembered that I wandered in a building that I knew was a school. I felt that a man who was chasing me was getting closer that I disguised myself as a school girl. It was a really weird dream because then I realised that a man who was chasing me was the person I really wanted to meet. The one I used to call "The Ice Statue".
I kept thinking about that dream the whole day. Him, in my dream was wearing our junior high uniform. Most of our memories happened in Junior High School. My memories about him were only the pictures of him as a Junior High student.
At twilight, I received a message that changed my entire moods. So uneasy. His message was probably my only chance to meet and talk to him again. I thought like, I was tired and I was done keeping my longing. I need to see him. Maybe it's my only chance in a lifetime.
But I also afraid to see him. I was afraid that he would probably reject or ignore me. I was afraid that he never wanted me at all that he would pretend to be happy in front of me. I was afraid that I could be a burden for him there. I was afraid that I would have no strength to say goodbye. I was afraid of everything.
But at night, I decided to come.
January 31, 2017
I walked in agony. I almost turned around and just left everything behind. But I kept walking to see him, to the place that he told me. I walked with the thumping heart and hazy mind. Until I stopped in front of the room where he struggled to get his degree.
I stood there. I couldn't think anymore. There was no way back. I told myself to be bold as I held so tight the gift my mother had prepared for him.
And he walked out. His friends congratulated him and he laughed with them. His face looked very happy with his little but sparkling eyes. He wore a black suit with a tie. He didn't realise that I was there that for a sec I thought, "It's okay. It's okay if you don't recognise me."
But his eyes found me and he looked both astonished and surprised. And I smiled. All of my fears suddenly dissolved into the air. My heart fluttered that I forgot those burdens in me. Then he talked, he talked as if we had met everyday these whole years. He didn't change at all. He was still the same person I had before. He only got older.
The few hours flew too fast. He introduced me to all of his friends. He sat in front of me and talked about everything to me that I only got a little chance to talk. His happiness bursted that I felt so happy too. I had never been that happy these past few years. I was just too happy that I wanted to freeze the time. I wanted him to keep sitting there and talking to me until the end of the world.
Talking to him again caused made me realising something. Days change, stories change, people change, but my feelings never change. Frozen.
I still have the exactly same feelings to a man who asked me to put his "Cum Laude" tag around his shoulder as I had eight years ago.
I'd never stopped, yet buried it somewhere deep in my heart.
LACxxx
0 komentar:
Posting Komentar