It was June 27

It was June 27 2017. The year once I thought was my best year in these past three years. But that day wasn't a really great day as I've expected. On the evening of 26th, I received a bad news that I'd never given thought would possibly happen. His mother passed away...

I was about doing my translation task in front of the computer when one of the friend of ours informed me the news. Then I found my hands were trembling and I couldn't even eat my dinner. All I wanted to do was being on his side as soon as possible, even it was nearly impossible for me. I had to leave my homework unfinished and started to just stay on my bed as I felt an agony, let myself being consumed by the odd pain inside my chest. I didn't know why but I was completely fucked up as if I were the one who lost a mother. So many voices talked in my head, mostly argued about the fact that the news didn't come from himself but from our friend. Thus, I thought, he never wanted my presence at all. But I really wanted to come to convince him that I would be there no matter what, although I was also afraid of being rejected by him since I wasn't invited. I considered myself as an unimportant outsider for him who put out all the stops to hover around.

But in the end, like I always did before, I decided to just come to see him. I went to his house with a friend who informed me the news after spending a long night without getting a proper sleep. I had even waken up earlier than my own alarm. Worst, I nearly threw up in order to force myself finishing my breakfast. Completely fucked up!

Then I met him again. The person whose name is always mentioned in my prayers. His smiling face has always popped up in my smartphone, and the memory of his bright smiles has always haunted my mind. But that day was completely different. It wasn't a day I ever wish or think to come. It was another unexpected nightmare for me. He walked out of a door. He wore white clothes with white trousers and bare-footed. His face was very pale that for a second I thought he was a ghost, his black hair was a complete mess, and his expression was too painful for me to be seen. I didn't find the lights I used to see in his black little eyes. All that I could see was his pain that I turned my face to stare at my toes. I couldn't even manage a good conversation when he asked me about some things. I was just sitting there on the floor, hugging me knees, sometimes letting myself to see his face before turning my face again away from him. It was too difficult for me. He reminded me of my old pain of my father's death. Worst because that pain is combined with his.

That nightmare was getting clearer when I finally let myself to see his tears streaming down his face. I heard him talking about his lovely mother with a painful voice, or heard him praying for his first love ever on this earth, and watched him kissing his mother over and over as if he couldn't let her go. I had never planned for seeing those kind of scenes. Ever.

There was a huge lump in my throat that made me realise that I had no strength to say another goodbye. But I was positive that I had to leave. Of course I had to leave. What else I should do?

Under a too shining sun, I walked besides him after putting his mother to her resting place. "Don't cry anymore," I told him. I kept my voice as low as I could because I was afraid I could cry again. I looked into him, but immediately turned to my shoes as it was too difficult for me seeing his shining tears on his red cheeks. His eyes were almost sunk. But he still (always) managed a smile for me.

"I can't," he answered with a soft voice. And my world kept turning into pieces over and over again that day. 

I don't know anything about the God's faith for both of us, neither do I know his feelings towards me. All I know is my own feelings and what I always ask from God. But I never imagined that the world of mine can also turn into pieces just because I'm watching a person standing helplessly as his own world is turning into pieces in front of his eyes. But neither of us can do anything.

It's been a month. I had done a few stuffs in order to have a contact with him again, but never turned out well. He still refused to let me in. And I think I'm too tired to keep on trying. I just hope that maybe my prayers sometimes will arrive in his heart.

p.s: I wish I could do something to erase your pain. I wish I could give your happiness back. I wish you could let me cheer you up again. You know I would give anything upon this earth just for that. But those are helpless. Not because I don't want to, I just can't.

Lxxx

Read More

Three Hours for the Ghost (Final)

But William didn't come in the morning, or the next morning, until more than a week. I almost gave up on waiting him to come up in my bedroom. Maybe he had done thinking about the revenge that he could leave this world in peace. But why didn't he say anything to me?  We were in the middle of a conversation about those bloody blokes and ball. He asked me to stay but I refused. He would have usually forced me to believe his words and argue with me. That night was completely extraordinary, he just left instead of arguing with me.

My father had just received a rare call that asked him to see an emergency patient in a hospital. He immediately rushed to the hospital with excitement after asking us to sleep. I experienced a difficult time to sleep these recent days because of William. I could have just texted or called his phone if he were a living human. An ancient ghost definitely couldn't use any technologies.

So I just grabbed my winter coat and scarf to stroll outside the house. The winter in this place was so much worse than winter in London. The temperature was terrible but I needed some fresh air to clear my mind out of William. It was so wrong to wait a ghost. But this place was too quiet and dull without William's babbles. I could even hear the sound of the freezing wind that messed on my dark hair, and my noisy steps on the snow.

"Are you really going to heaven, Will?" I talked alone. Ethan wouldn't ever hear me from his bedroom upstairs. "Could you wait until my graduation? It's too quiet and dull without you." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I tried to remember his pale face with a pair of deep blue eyes, thick auburn hair, ice-colded skin, and his soft laugh. I had never missed a day without regretting the truth that he wasn't a human at all. That he would stay that young and invisible while I would get older and older every minute. And soon I had to leave him to continue living.

But it happened again. He was there when I opened my eyes. His eyes on me, expressionless, stood still like a pale statue. But I could see some sadness on his face. "William..." I blinked. Cat really got my tongue after that. "Emily, I need to say something," his voice was hoarse and irritated.

"Where have you been? I'm so tired waiting for you. I thought you had left me to the heaven or something. You didn't even tell me what kind of bloody revenge that caused you to stay here as a ghost. Next time if you want to take a walk outside for days, you need to tell me first. Okay?" I started to scold him. I could hear my disappointment in my words.

William put his hands on my shoulders and squeezed them. He's tall and I had to lift my face to see him this close. "I was hiding in your wardrobe when those people came. I had seen them cut off my mother's throat before I ran to hide. They wore masks, swords in their hands. My family had just had our supper when they came," William started to smile miserably.

"It was winter. The meadow was covered by snow. I could see the snow drifting outside the window when they dragged me out and finished me. The last thing I saw as a human was my own dark blood. I thought my nightmare was over when I woke up. But it was just started." William's voice sounded clipped. "Nobody could see or hear my scream."

I could feel that huge lump in my throat when my warm tears streamed down my cold face. William didn't look into my eyes anymore. He was absent from his body, back to a hundred and fifty years ago, acutely still like a statue. I was trying to find a word to say. But his confessions were just too scary for me. I couldn't imagine how it felt to be a lonely ghost with a memory of your family being assassinated. Trapped in a mortal world but still couldn't do anything to make it better.

"And then you came, fainted in front of me." William laughed that I heard as a cry. "You make me feel alive again, like a human. I could even touch you." He stroked my hair. I slowly wrapped his waist with my hands without thinking, and rest my head on him. William moved his hands to hug me, buried his cold face in my dark hair. He felt so real. I couldn't believe that he wasn't alive at all. There must be a mistake. "What is that? What makes you stay? Is that a revenge?" I asked him without moving my head. William hugged me even tighter.

"Those murderers must have been dead by now. Maybe it's you," he answered. "It is a chance for me to love someone."

"What?" I lifted my face to see him. "I think I love you, Emily." His eyes locked into mine. He looked very sad. I wondered if a ghost could cry. And he couldn't. "What?" I asked him again. William closed his eyes for a few seconds before he opened them and exhaled. "Go to the ball with me. Please."

"What?" I think I should have just shut my mouth if I couldn't find another word. William raised his eyebrows and burst a loud laugh. "Can't you use another word, Emily? The saddest part is over, let's begin with the new topic. Hmm..." he seemed about to think.

"Do you want my father sending me to the mental hospital? People can't see you," my voice sounded frustrating. I couldn't imagine myself dancing with an invisible person. The whole town would be shaken for God's sake.

"I just told you that I love you, and all you can think is about mental hospital?"
"I'm sorry, I just... I don't know, I--"
"It's okay, Emily. I've just figured the way out. You just need to let me take you to that bloody ball. Will you?"
I hesitated, and William started to plead, "Please." I said, "Okay."

----

William didn't show up again after taking me to bed that night. We had talked more about his former life before I slowly moved into my dream whilst he still sat on the sofa near my dresser. He didn't come to wake me up again as he used to do these past seven months. So I woke up alone, walked to school with Ethan in silence, did my homework in peace without William's interruption, and was being so lonely when I sat in my bedroom.

I had refused about six invitations from the boys in my school, something that I could never experience in my school in London. But it wasn't about the ball that filled my thoughts. All I could think was only William. He said he would come to take me to the ball, that I just needed to dress perfectly. He even said that he would ask permission from my father. But how could it be possible?

In the end, there I was, sitting in front of my dresser wearing a long baby blue dress which was belonged to my mother who had passed away seven years ago. I also put some natural make up to give colours on my pale face, but did nothing to my dark long hair. Then I just sat there, wondered about William. I tried to tell myself to be just fine if it turned out wrong.

But Ethan came into my bedroom without knocking, surprised me to death by saying, "William is downstairs. I thought you wouldn't go. Who's he?"

I didn't answer my brother, just rushed downstairs and found William was sitting in front of my father. He wore a tuxedo with his long usual ancient coat on his lap. I almost fainted to see him there, living and visible. He turned his face to meet my face and smiled.

----

I still couldn't believe n everything that was happening that night. William was there, in front of me, he smiled so happily and kept on trying to make me dance. All eyes were definitely on us. My entire friends must have wondered about who was this perfectly handsome guy. "How did you do that?" I asked him. I wasn't sure it wasn't a dream. "I let go everything that night, and a man who must be an angel came to take me to the heaven. He asked me something I wanted to do before leaving. I want to go to the ball with you as a human," William told me. His smile vanished, replaced by some irritating expressions.

"Are you going to leave? Really?" I chocked. I couldn't imagine my days without him anymore. "He gave me three hours, Emily. Are you going to dance again?" he asked, trying to change our topic. "No, I want to go home," I whispered. Tears were filled my eyes. William nodded.

Then we were just sitting by the fountain in my backyards. We stared at each other, didn't say anything. William still had about twenty minutes before leaving me forever. It was too painful for me to talk to him. I couldn't believe it must be something I needed to accept. "It has been the best eight months in my entire life," William told me. There was a long silence before I answered, "Mine too."

"You're beautiful, Emily. I'm so grateful to live again as a ghost to meet you. Don't be sad, Em. I'm actually dead," he touched my face with his cold hands. My tears began to stream down again. "I don't even have your picture." I said. William laughed then moved closer to hug me, tighter than he did the last time. "Promise me to live well."

I couldn't answer him. My body was shaking for crying. He stroked my hair with his hand and slowly kissed my head. "Say something. Please," he said with a harsh voice. I managed to answer him with my painful voice, "I promise."

He released me. William's eyes were still locked on to mine when that happened. Slowly under the falling snow, he turned into transparent, his cold hands slowly disappeared. He smiled, but I could see the shining tears on his face. "William!" I cried. My hands were trying to reach him, but they could only hold the air. "I will never forget you, Emily. I will always watch you," he told me.

"I love you, William." And he completely disappeared. 

That was the last night I saw him. He didn't appear anymore after that. His nightmare was over and he could gather with his family again. I was desperately desperate at the beginning after he left me. But time helped me to think more about his last words. He needed me to live well. People came and went away to give lessons. William came to give me lessons that life wasn't immortal. There would come a day when you have to leave and let go everything.

So just live well, and love freely as you still have time.

.....

            

          

Read More